I can remember like it was yesterday when you were in my belly and I was so anxious for you to come into the world. I didn't know if you were gonna be a boy or girl but I had names picked out if you were a boy Nicholas and a girls Nichole Ashley. I was so happy the day you were born My Nikki. Your Grandmother Linda was my birthing couch she helped me and gave me the courage to bring you in to this world. I didn't even know that I was in Labor, I was having little craps all the day before and I kept having to go to the bathroom and your grandma Linda who lived down stays from us and your Great Memere heard me getting up and down. So she came up stairs to see what was going on and she then started to time my contractions they said when the contractions were 5 minutes apart to get to the hospital we drove to the hospital in a (white T-bird) and we sure did hurry to get to Lowell General Hospital. I was in labor for you for over 24 hrs. I went in to the hospital on April 19,1985 around 8:30PM and they registered me in and brought us to what they called the birthing room, They gave me some medication to relax me because it was not time for you to come out yet, on April 20,1985 at 7:00AM they broke my water to make the contractions come more faster But you wanted to stay in my belly for as long as you could I was in labor till around 7:35Pm that night and finally you were born (Your Grandma Linda took pictures of your birth ) and it was worth all the labor pains and the 9 months it took for you to be born. But when I finally gave birth to you and saw you for the 1ST time it was worth it all. You were a little 8 1/2 lbs and around 19 inches long. And you were so little, but you had 10 toes and 10 fingers you were perfect. And you had fuzzy blond hair and blue eyes when you finally decided to open them for me.
I remember when they placed you on my tummy you cried but when you heard my voice you knew who I was and stopped crying right away. Your father Richey came up to the hospital a short time after we were brought down to my room His eyes lit up when he saw you and when he held you for the 1St time I remember we had our first family dinner at the hospital me your father and you we were a family so it felt that way. Mommy and your fathers families didn't get along (that’s a long story) but both sides of the family came to see you, Your Grandmother, great Meme, Aunt Rosie, Uncle Brian, Auntie Missy, Auntie Elena and me and your fathers friends all came to see you. They brought you all kinds of gifts the most beautiful dresses and stuffed animals I didn't know what I was gonna dress you up in to go home in. everything was so pretty and you were so precious. I felt that I would never be alone that I would always have you by my side. It was scary when on the 2Nd day when we were gonna be going home that you started to stiffen up and the nurse said that it was not normal and that somthing was wrong with you, the nurse called your peditrician right away and the Pedatrican had a neurologist (Dr. Robbins) come to look at you and see what you where doing and then they stared to do all kinds of test I was so scared for you.
But you where so good when they had to draw blood or do testing on you they put you on seizure medication and on the 3rd day when they wanted to discharge me from the hospital I got the doctors to let them stay 4 extra days with you then when they did discharge me I was up at the hospital all day and night right by your side and I was so worried when they were transferring you to Children’s Hospital in Boston so they could try to figure out why you were having the seizures they never could figure out what caused them. So we eventually got to go home and you got to sleep in your beautiful crib with all your Winnie the Poo music mobile and bedding and all your stuff animals. I breast feeded you for over a YR We use to go and visit your father and your grandparents Pat And Dick Masson and your auntie Karen and Uncle Al and there Doberman Pincher Christy which she loved you from the moment I brought you in the house she would lay by your side and watch over you and not let anyone hurt you. You were the perfect baby you hardy cried and you slept 2 to 3 hrs you only woke when you wanted to be breast feed. I did have to take you to the pediatrician you would spit up every time you eat we found out you had reflux and I had to pump my breast milk and mix it with baby cereal and you kept it down but sometimes you did still spit up but I didn't care It felt so good in the beginning with your father Ritchie it felt like we were a family when you had to go to children’s witch was very often your father would always go with us but your father had a bad temper and use to physically abuse me and I ended up eventually leaving him. You were my main concern and your safety also.
I tried to date other men but if they only wanted to spend time with me and didn't accept you I made them hit the road. Eventually when you were 2 years old I meet the man you would end up calling Daddy. His name was John Christian he accepted you right from the beging he came to our apartment at 17 Adie Terrace Lowell Ma 01852. I didn't even have to ask him he just went and took you and your car seat in the house from that night we were a happy family your Daddy John took us the next day to meet his mom Jeannie Christian she loved you from the first time she saw you and me became a member of there family, from that time on and daddy’s sisters and brother your Auntie Jeannie, Auntie Joanne, Auntie Janet @ Uncle Joe became a very big part of helping me raise you they all loved you so much they weren't afraid that you took seizures and that you had cerebral palsy (I found out when you were 6 months old) three years later me and your Daddy had your Sister Ashley on 2-21-1990 (Mommy Loved your middle name so much I decided to call your little sister Ashley Marie (Marie after your great Meme And your auntie Jeannie) you were 5 yrs old by then and 2 years later you had another sister Brittany Amber on 5-15-1992 and 3 yrs later you had a little Brother Tyler Justin on 3-16-1995. You loved it every time when i brought one of your new baby sister's or brother I remember when you held each of them and you would give kisses and hugs and every time you had a chance you would crawl to their car seat, walker or crib just so you could watch your new sisters and bother sleep and once each came home you would hold them and watch them as they slept you were such a happy and proud big sister and I thought when you would have been older and I was not here anymore your sisters and bother would continue taking care of you as I never would of want you placed in a home for handicapped children I wanted to take care of you for the rest of your life. But 5 months after your little brother was born a happy time is what it should have been but I didn’t know what god had planned for me or them. God came on August 16,1995 and tried to take you to heaven but I called the ambulance and wheile waiting for them to come to help you (witch felt like a lifetime everything was in slow motion) I gave you CPR and when the medics came and the police they continued to try and keep you with us they brought you by ambulance to Lowell general hospital and once they got you stable they med flighted you to boston childrens Hospital and all the doctors and nurses tried to keep you with us but on august 17,1995 the Doctor said that you did not have any brain activity and they were gonna preform 2 test 12 hours apart and if there was still no activity they could shut the machines that were keeping you alive off with a court order if they had too my mind went blank I didn't want to listen to what they where saying to me all I wanted was to be by your side and hold you and pray that god would not take you away from me and bring you to heaven but they did those test me, daddy John and grandma were there praying that you would respond and come back to us but that was not going to happen even the nurses and doctors were crying because there was nothing else they could do to bring you back to us Daddy John talked with someone about donating your organs to help other people live on and be happy so daddy John talked to me and even though I didn't want you to go I said yes and gave them premission to help other sick people and that on August 18,1995 God made his mind up that you needed to be in heaven with him so you could be his Little Angel and that with your short life you did have and what little you could do and how much you suffered for such a long time and all the little things you did here and all the lives you touched where enough for you that you where better off in heaven where I know your running and playing and laughing and smiling and eatting everything you can that your normal there and I hope that your up there watching over me and and sisters and brother waiting for the day when I will be with you again I know Meme, Aunt Rosie are there watching over you and taking care of you for me till the day when I can be with you again to continue taking care of you I love and Miss you so much your never forgotten always remembered till I can be with you someday when god decides it is time for us to be all together again until I try and think of all the good memories you gave me how much you made me smile and laugh and how proud I was of you to beable to be your Mommy there was always good times compaired to the bad and you made me a stonger Mommy and gave me the strenght that I was able to raise so far your 2 sisters and your brother I love all my babies and if i could I would give my life up so you all could be together. Love Mommy
